The Game of Life
Are these the Rules we were all Meant to Follow?
So, what’ll it be? A firefighter, a doctor, or a teacher? … I used to play the game of life all the time as a kid growing up in the 90s. Don’t get me wrong, I loved it! It’s an extremely fun game… But the structure of that game was, of course, quite cut and dry. You work your way through the board in chronological order. If you skip certain steps (like going to college) in all likelihood, you will be at a disadvantage for higher income or other perks. The rules are clear, and if you want to win, you had better master the game! (and just to note, I always chose singer! Of course… As I wanted to be a pop star.)
But it’s all laid out right there. The rules. The order in which you should achieve these things. I know it’s just a game but weirdly, why did I sense that real life was kind of going by the same rules? Get into a great college, graduate, get an impressive, high paying job, secure a suitable partner, get married, have kids (at this point people stop caring about you), travel and accrue assets and wealth, and then acquire enough money to retire…
A (Relevant) Tangent on Human Design
Lately, I’ve been really interested in Human Design, a self-discovery system, akin to astrology, based on your birth date and location, that helps you better understand yourself and your life purpose. If you’d like to find yours, you can go here to get a free chart. When you generate your unique chart, you get an image that looks something like this (see below), with shapes (known as centers) that are either colored or white (blank). Each center correlates with an area of the body, and also with certain qualities. For instance, (and to over-simplify), your throat center rules communication and your sacral center rules your desires. If a center is colored in, it means that you are able to generate that energy on your own from within, and if the center is blank/ white, it means that center is “open,” and that energy comes in externally, and then you are able to amplify it. But it also means that those areas are susceptible to influence from other people.
Something that I’ve learned in my exploration of Human Design (which is by no means comprehensive), is that 70% of the population has an open “ego” center. You can see on the chart which center that is on the right side. This means that most of us are susceptible to outside influence when it comes to the areas of motivation, drive, will power, the material world and self-worth. Most of us will be conditioned by the societal norm, and pick up on external ideas of what we should be doing in life- how we should show up, get out there, succeed, achieve and get things done. And for MOST of us, these “norms” likely feel wrong. The idea of Human Design has really captivated me lately because it’s all based on the concept that we are all different, so why would a blanket, one-size-fits-all approach work for everyone? (It wouldn’t) And yet we still tend to feel so much shame when we can’t fit ourselves into the prescribed box and succeed in the ways laid out for us. We still feel like we are the failures (rather than the system, the arbitrary rules of the game, or the environment)
Here are some common tropes/ conditionings around the ego center that I know I’ve personally fallen victim to:
Worth comes from…
-Appearance and body
-An impressive career
-Intelligence
-Achievements
-Athletic prowess/ ability
-Being creative, different & unique
-Scoring an attractive partner
-Having and making money
-Being healthy, virile, strong and young
-Being hot, thin and fit
-Being independent and capable
-Getting into a great school
-Being really skilled and talented
-Hitting important milestones in life “on time” (graduating college, securing a good career, getting married, buying a house, getting promoted, having kids…)
You should always…
-Want money
-Work hard and WANT to work hard and be motivated in life (or you’re a bad, lazy, unvirtuous, even sinful person)
-Seize the day and desire to work towards money and success or else there’s something wrong with you, you’re not going to succeed or get what you want and it’s your own fault
-Be going, doing and striving, avoid rest, get the fuck up off the couch and make something of yourself or you’ll never have what you want in life
-Be “disciplined” and work towards what you want (or what you’re told you should want) at all costs
-Try to make money in everything you pursue. If you have creative pursuits, that’s fine but you have to want to find an angle to earn money doing it or impress others by being the best at it, or else it’s completely pointless
Journaling prompts:
Do you have any of your own conditionings you’ve noticed? Areas where others are influencing what’s right/ true for you around worth, motivation, drive, etc.?
Which of life’s rules don’t work for you, where do you experience shame, fear, anxiety, depression etc. around areas you perceive you’re falling short in?
Where do you feel different from others in the way you work best in life?
…
I remember how frustrated I’d be as a kid, playing LIFE with my family, if I wasn’t winning, making lots of money, or moving towards the finish line swiftly, with ease… Maybe you’re on a losing streak, maybe you’ve mastered the game of life, or maybe you’re wondering why if you seemingly have, you’re still not feeling fulfilled, connected or whole. Turns out, how we feel as we move through life matters, (dare I say- more so!) than the outcomes. It’s worth finding avenues that feel aligned and authentic for us, and questioning if the rules are truly working for our benefit, or whether they may actually be holding us back from a life that feels truly worth living.