Musings on Ina Garten’s New Memoir
Attachment, Authenticity, Maturing as a Woman and Nourishment
Ina Garten, the laid back yet sophisticated lifestyle, cooking and baking connoisseur, just wrote a new memoir, Be Ready When the Luck Happens, and I just finished reading it. It was lovely! I gave it 4.8/5 stars on Goodreads. I don’t know if you’re a fan of Ina like I had been, but my sister and I used to make home videos growing up (like in high school and college), pretending to be Ina (I pretended, my sister was the camera man). So, it was a full circle moment to read her book and resonate with it so deeply. A few themes and quotes stood out to me that felt particularly poignant for where I’m at in my life, and maybe they will resonate with you too.
Attachment:
“We all need one person to believe in us, and for me, that person was Jeffrey. With his love and support, I learned to believe in myself and found happiness and peace.”
Throughout the book, Ina praised her relationship with her husband Jeffrey, who she met when she was just 16. She painted a rather loveless childhood at home, devoid of support, encouragement, nurturing or emotional connection. But when she met Jeffrey, he connected with her so deeply and encouraged her so fully, it sounds like she was able to finally feel safe enough to take some risks in life, put herself out there and ultimately reach pretty remarkable milestones in her career, (enjoying herself along the way). He was the one who encouraged her to first buy the Barefoot Contessa bakery shop in the Hamptons in her early 30s on a bit of a whim! Though their relationship was tested throughout their 55+ year marriage, at every turn, she illustrated what seemed to be a secure attachment and bond that helped her navigate life’s challenges. This so beautifully exemplified the importance of attachment and having safe people in our life who we can turn to for emotional support, and how that can directly impact our ability to succeed out there in the world in traditional ways.
It also suggests that even if we didn’t receive the secure attachment we needed as children, other people in our lives can help us reorganize later in life. I also don’t think only a romantic partner can be that person— therapists or coaches can be wonderful at helping us learn how secure attachment and a safe relationship might feel. I know this has been the case for me on my journey, that sessions with safe feeling, warm and encouraging practitioners have helped me heal areas where I previously couldn’t access compassion or safety. This is also the work we can do together in NeuroEmotional coaching, if you’re interested in some support in developing a secure sense of attachment, feel free to reach out!
Authenticity:
“I don’t believe you build a brand, you just do what’s true for you every day, and then one day, you realize you have a brand... I had to be my own compass…”
In her book, Ina often talked about advocating for her vision when art directors or producers wanted to push methods that were “industry standards,” or ideas that had succeeded in their own careers. For instance, when the Martha Stewart Living network wanted to make a show with her, the producers kept giving corrections and suggestions to emulate the way Martha Stewart did it, but Ina affirmed, “I’m not Martha, I’m me!” This stood out to me, because it was a reminder that we all have our own authenticity, and our own unique gifts, strengths and perceptions, and if we don’t express it, the world hugely misses out! So often we are pressured to take the “known” path in life, especially as we are developing our careers. But if we are taking prescribed paths, we are not tuning into our own yesses and noes, we are overriding the language and limits of our nervous system, and in doing so we are disconnecting with our authenticity. We are missing out on an opportunity to discover the magic of what we love in life, find and connect with our true people and say or do something in a way that maybe hasn’t been said or done before!
Maturing as a Woman:
“How long could I keep up this race to nowhere? I was turning thirty and still trying to figure out who I wanted to be when I grew up… Don't worry… your twenties are the time when you master what you think you're supposed to do. But in your thirties, when you've figured out what you like and don't like, and you're more confident, you can move on to what you really want to do, which might be totally different. It was so reassuring to know that I wasn't alone, that other women were experiencing the same confusion, making the same mistakes, and choosing to make big changes when they hit thirty.”
Ina stressed how she didn’t resonate with her corporate job in her 20s, how she couldn’t get behind working for other people and sharing their visions at the sacrifice of her own. She also expressed how she tried her hand at many different short-term jobs, sometimes lasting only 1 week or 1 day! Her care-free attitude about work was actually refreshing. This can ease some of the shame it’s easy to feel around not yet knowing who we are, our purpose, how to connect meaningfully with our work or how to feel alive while doing it. Many of us thrive through pursuing multiple possibly diverse avenues to fulfill us in our work, and many of us learn our preferences through trial and error and actually feeling in our bodies what is a yes or no. I also loved how Ina celebrated the life of women in their 30s as a time where we don’t need to have it all figured out, but where we can start to connect with what feels really good, and finally take the pressure off to appease others or be what they want. I recently turned 30, and felt such a warm resonance with how Ina reflected on this time in her life.
Food as Nourishment:
“Food is about nurturing: Not only physical but emotional nurturing.”
And finally, as someone who has gone through my own journey of easing my relationship with food, I so enjoyed reading her philosophies and outlook on food. In one chapter, she described her evolution of hosting dinner parties and how she went from trying to impress people with her elaborate concoctions… to realizing that dinner parties are about connection with loved ones, and she wanted to make the cooking process as simple as possible so that she could focus on her own enjoyment rather than just her guests’ satisfaction. This simple shift made so much sense to me but can be so often overlooked! Life truly is about being present, connecting and enjoying, but it’s easy to forget and pursue things for external reasons… which don’t feel good or bring us the fulfillment we need.
I also enjoyed her stories of her time in France and the way she connected with the food there. Also, notably, her descriptions of food and her time in France were happily devoid of any health or diet culture tropes. In France, the food is all about pleasure and fresh ingredients. I recall my own trip a couple of summers ago to the south of France and still remember the most perfectly ripe melon on ice I had for dessert one night outside on a balcony overlooking the Côte d'Azur (not to mention the mussels, cherry tomatoes with pasta and bottle of champagne I had for dinner). I remember that night as a defining moment in my own healing with food, and how good it felt to lean into the pleasure and presence of the evening. Ina spent a summer making meals with ingredients from the local markets and every meal to her was like a picnic, but so delicious. Another reminder that food (and life) doesn’t have to be complex to feel connective, wonderful and enriching. How easy is that? ✨